Something on the Lighter Side....

Ok last post was a litttle on the heavy side. Kinda reflected the state of mind I was in. So anyway, A friend sent me this in the e-mail. Loved it. Being the Southern boy that I am, it fits my thinking to a T.

Subject: Rules for Living Down South
>
>
>
> g If you are going to live or visit in the
> South, you need to know these rules.
>
> 1. That farm boy you see at the gas station
> did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive,
> you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of
> the way.
>
> 3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color
don't
> wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.
>
> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we
> were seven years old.Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.
> Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have
> a name for those little13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.
>
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
> mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You
> might want to ensure it's not up to

> your ear at the time.
>
> 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
> Order
it
> rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of
> ham and turkey.
>
> 9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a
> glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun.
> You want it unsweetened -- add a lot of water.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better
> be brown, wet, and served over ice.
>
> 11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car.
> We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine
> that we only use two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one
> stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
> yellow.
>
> 13. We eat dinner together with our families.
> We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on
> Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday
> nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am",

> and
> we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends
> and neighbors.
>
> 14. We don't do "hurry up" well.
>
> 15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you
> don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham
hock.
>
> 16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You
> really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
> 17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
> it? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two.
Pick
> one.
>
> 18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper
> on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want
> Cream of Wheat -go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.
>
> 19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove
> season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and
> sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
>
> 20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being
> friendly. Understand the concept?
>
> 21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks
> the fish and bothers the gators - and if you hit it in the rough, we
have
> these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
>
> 22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for
> driving
like
> an idiot -- his name is "Sir", no matter how young he is.
>
> 23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them.
> You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your
> hood.
>
> 24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
questions.
> The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them --
> enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating
> up the flag burner.
>
> 25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great
> up there, why not visit a Northern state or stay there? And no, down
> here,
we
> don't have an accent, you do.